


number eight.

by whiteautumn



Series: nocturne [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Ai is a supportive not-AI in this, Alternate Universe, Character Death, M/M, Romance, Violence, Worldbuilding comes eventually, is there smut? idk, it's a mirai nikki au what do you expect, mirai nikki au, overprotective!Ryouken, tags updated as i go along, the rating is solely because of the upcoming violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteautumn/pseuds/whiteautumn
Summary: Ryouken becomes god after winning the survival game, and abandons everything for the chance to change it all.The moment she turns, his heart stops. Yuusaku had turned along with her, so he only managed to catch a glimpse of that side profile in the briefest of seconds, but with chubby cheeks and bright green eyes and hair the colour of late spring, there stood Ryouken’s destiny in all his innocent, childlike glory.





	1. prologue: you can redo (quasi una fantasia: I. adagio sostenuto)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to lullaby (almost everything in this series is a prequel to lullaby goodness) and we start off with mentioned character death. The good thing is, Ryouken has a lot of love for Yuusaku here and vice versa, so that makes up for the violence and tragedy I guess? (This whole thing is just full of overprotective!Ryouken and foolishly self-sacrificial Yuusaku and _that's my kink_ cause they make such a good pair.)
> 
> Timeline wise, this is the boys' second life together (the prologue starts off in the first, however).
> 
> Subtitles in brackets are BGM recs for each chapter. I will be posting Spotify links in chapter notes for the version that I like the most. 
> 
> Player lineup for the survival game remains mostly the same across all lives - I will reveal them as the story progresses for those who don't know who's gonna appear. (Thanks to everyone who helped me figure my shit out though! Love you guys <3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended BGM: [Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14 in C♯ minor "Quasi una fantasia", Op. 27, No. 2: I. Adagio sostenuto](https://open.spotify.com/track/5t0E9V1RiHBflzs71pfGGG)

There is something exhilarating about having the world at your fingertips. 

Ryouken looks down from where he sits on the wide throne – he supposes it is his throne now – ice blue eyes taking in his surroundings that had begun changing the moment he’d defeated the Ignis of Light. The once ancient Roman ruins began to shift, moss-laced rubbles twisting and turning in a way that would’ve made any normal person dizzy.

But Ryouken isn’t any normal person. He might’ve been, once, but he is a god now.  

Therefore, he merely watches, face impassive, as the swirls began to darken, black bleeding into navy blue followed by bursts of light settling like bright falling stars in the galaxy. The temperature falls, and the other inhabitants of this dimension shiver below, but Ryouken pays it no mind. Pale blue eyes narrow and his hands clench into fists as the environment around him melds itself into one of the places dearest to him. 

 _“I really like you.”_

_Ryouken turns from where he’d previously been facing the ocean, an eyebrow raised at the younger male beside him. Yuusaku doesn’t budge at Ryouken’s obvious incredulity, the bioluminescence of the ocean giving his green eyes a glow that enhanced the determined expression on his face as he stares straight at Ryouken._

_“Do you, now?”_

_He finds Fujiki Yuusaku’s words difficult to believe. Ryouken himself only has the barest memories of the boy he had saved as a child, of the soft features, blue-coloured tresses with only a hint of pink, and of bright eyes that reminded Ryouken of the emerald necklace his mother used to wear sometimes._

_While saving Yuusaku had been an out-of-character and spur-of-the-moment decision for Ryouken, it seems that the incident had left a huge impression on the younger boy. It’s hard to believe that something that had happened ten years ago could produce the kind of obsession Fujiki Yuusaku evidently has with him, but Ryouken supposed there are all kinds of people out there._

_Yuusaku pauses, and Ryouken waits. They’ve gone through this a couple of times that Ryouken knows Yuusaku’s next moves – he doesn’t need the device in his pocket to tell him what’s coming next._

_The younger boy will hesitate, and back off. That’s the routine they’ve always been dancing to – Yuusaku doesn’t push, and Ryouken remains taciturn._

_“Go out with me.”_

_Now this is an interesting turn of events. Ryouken blinks. His phone vibrates, and he knows Yuusaku’s does too. Neither of them pays any attention to their respective diaries. He considers his next move._

_His stalker is going to continue badgering him regardless of his reply, for Fujiki Yuusaku is nothing but stubborn. Determined, stubborn, and absolutely foolish._

_It doesn’t seem that the other boy has any kind of self-preservation when it comes to Ryouken – as if the idea that they are supposed to be opponents in this screwed up game doesn’t exist in his mind at all. As if the possibility of Ryouken putting a knife in him has never occurred to him._

_This time, Yuusaku waits patiently while Ryouken plays with the possible scenarios. There are so many different ways this could end – even if they became allies officially, the rules set down by the Ignises had been clear that only one of them could live in order for the game to end._

_While he couldn’t care less about godhood, he did care about staying alive._

_Having Yuusaku as an ally, however, would boost his chances of clearing out his opponents. It would, logically, also make his last battle easier._

_There is no reason why he shouldn’t take Yuusaku up on his offer. He sighs._

_“Fine.”_

_The smile that Yuusaku gives him is small, but it’s the happiest Ryouken has ever seen him._

“This space is a reflection of its owner’s heart.” The fledgling god looks down at the only female Ignis. Aqua stares back at him, azure blue eyes steady as she takes in Ryouken’s tense form on the throne.

“I didn’t know gods had hearts.” The blue humanoid creature – ex-god? Ryouken has technically dethroned them from their pedestals – smiles gently in reply.

“Of course we do,” Melancholy laces her voice, a soft lilt accompanying the echoes of Ryouken’s baritone, “Lightning wouldn’t be who he was if we didn’t.” She looks up at him.

“Everyone has a heart, Kougami-kun, and we don’t just mean the physical beating heart.”

“’Cause that automatically counts us out!” The purple-coloured Ignis cuts in, rolling his eyes from where he hangs on a branch-looking like appendage with the green Ignis, who nods in agreement.

Aqua’s eyes narrows a slight fraction – Ryouken sees it all clearly now, his abilities enhanced to beyond the human capability – and she continues as if she’s never been interrupted.

“We mean the abstract ability to feel, to think emotionally.” That’s a contradiction, Ryouken thinks, but keeps quiet. The female Ignis seems to read his mind anyway, “You’re thinking of Fujiki Yuusaku, and that makes you sad, does it not?”

It does. The existence of the thought does not frustrate Ryouken in the slightest – while agreeing to date Yuusaku had been a tactical choice more than an emotional one, the younger boy had grown on him. That silly child who remained ardent about Ryouken to the very end. Ryouken doesn’t understand how someone like him can be worth anything. He had knowingly led Yuusaku on and had planned to end him just like they’d done to all their other opponents. However, Yuusaku had deemed him worthy of the other boy’s very life itself.

“For someone who claims to be a villain, you’re very caring, Kougami-kun.” He glares at Aqua, who gives a small gracious twirl and propels herself up to meet his eyes. “Your heart is full of dissonance; it’s been that way since Fujiki-kun died. There’s no hiding that fact.”

“It seems that you’re not as cold as you look, Kougami.” The red-coloured Ignis comments, crossing his arms and nodding. Ryouken bites back the scathing comeback on the tip of his tongue, squashing the evident distaste for the Ignis.

“But you shouldn’t despair,” Windy shrugs, and Ai deflates beside him. “Yuusaku-chan’s death was something that had been determined the moment he’d received his diary.” The purple-coloured Ignis’s yellow eyes droop downward.

“Fujiki Yuusaku had no chance of winning this game from the very beginning,” Previously silent, Earth finally speaks up from where he’d been standing close to Aqua. Ryouken’s eyes widen, and the female Ignis continues to look at him. 

“Why are you surprised? Fujiki-kun didn’t join this game to become god.” A sinking feeling builds in his abdomen, the air around him uncomfortably warm. He wants to fidget, do anything to rid himself of the pricks on his skin; there is something in his eyes and his throat tightens. The lights around him blur into a blinding blotch and it is weird because he didn’t know gods could cry.

Foolish, _foolish_ Yuusaku. Devoting his life to someone who hadn’t loved him back.

“He joined this game so you could become god, Kougami-kun.”

Aqua’s words pierce through him like a blade, cold and sharp and Ryouken feels his entire being sink under the weight of her revelation, guilt tearing at him like a vicious beast waking from slumber. Something that he has always known but remained stubborn enough to not realise consciously.

There is something exhilarating about having the world at your fingertips. Ryouken looks down at his lap, feels the five Ignises’ eyes on him, feels the forces of time and nature bending to his will, feels every single possibility of the future branching out. Yuusaku is absent in all of them. There are no hints of dark blue and fuchsia pink, no bright emeralds, no tiny smiles that spoke volumes of adoration and love beyond all that Ryouken has given to Yuusaku in return in his short life.

The ability to do anything, yet Ryouken’s future is empty.

“And he finally realises.” He hears Ai grumble, successfully blinking back the tears with the help of the subzero environment. 

He shouldn’t have called Yuusaku foolish. At the very least, the younger boy had understood his own feelings perfectly. Ryouken wishes, more than anything, in this moment, that he had been gifted with the ability to do the same. He could have avoided handing Yuusaku a death sentence, if only he hadn’t been so _stupid_.

“I want him back.” Aqua doesn’t react when Ryouken makes his demand, a glowing blue silhouette melting into the glistening backdrop of the dimension, she fades into the stars and Ryouken knows she will never give him a favourable answer. Flame speaks instead.

“You can’t bring the dead back. Kougami-kun. There are many things that are not absolute in this world, but death is one thing even gods cannot undo.” Anger rushes in him like a wild torrent, and he turns sharp eyes to glare at the other Ignises.

“What is the point of being god then?” His roar echoes off the invisible walls of the circular chamber, creating violent waves in the luminescent ocean. “What is the point, if my future remains hollow?”

The residents of the dimension remain silent amidst the aftermath of his outburst, the crashing of waves the only sound in their ears, violent and ruthless and desperate.

Aqua speaks as the sounds of the ocean subsides slowly.

“You can’t bring Fujiki-kun back, Kougami-kun.” She repeats, holding up a hand when Ryouken shoots her a dark look, ready to impale her with an icicle. “But you can bring yourself back to the past.”

His heart leaps at her words, and the possibilities overwhelm him. Aqua is right, while Ryouken cannot bring the dead back to life, turning back time is something that is within the purview of his power. The thought of being able to see Yuusaku again fills him with a soft feeling that replaces the aching longing and acute anger. He wants to see Yuusaku’s gentle expressions, his bashful smiles when Ryouken pays attention to him, his determined stares as he faces down an opponent, and his mild expressions of awe that lights up his features whenever the galaxies of Stardust Road reveal themselves to the world.

He’s more foolish than Fujiki Yuusaku had ever been, evidently. Ryouken closes his eyes and lifts the corner of his lips in a mockery of a smile, self-depreciating and full of regret.

“You will, however, not retain any of this power that you currently have.” 

Godhood, in exchange for Yuusaku. For Ryouken, it is a fair trade – he imagines that the loathsome Ignis of Light would think him asinine for throwing all this power away just for a single human being, but Ryouken was never in this for the chance to become god.

His father would disapprove, too.

Ryouken’s too far deep to care about what his father thought. He likes to think that he is an obedient son, and perhaps he is; he hadn’t abandoned his father even on his deathbed in his childhood, even after knowing what father had done to mother.

Mother had said that loving his father was like a curse, back when Ryouken was young, younger, and didn’t understand. Ryouken understands now. His father had led his mother to her death, and Ryouken had led Yuusaku to his. 

Did Yuusaku hate him for that? No, that can’t be. The lights in the younger boy’s eyes had faded while he was in Ryouken’s arms, his pink tresses matted with dark red, blood dyeing both their white blouses red. His skin had been a startling pale backdrop against all the colours that had made him uniquely Yuusaku. If Ryouken had any shred of artistic talent, he would paint them on a canvas.

That’s something to consider doing in his next life.

“Yuusaku’s more important.” And he will always be. Aqua laughs, clear and crystalline. If she thinks Ryouken is making a mistake in giving up the throne for a mere human boy, she doesn’t show it. The other Ignises are similarly acquiescent, the Dark Ignis kicking off the branch-like object he had been floating on to land beside Aqua, glowing yellow eyes staring right at Ryouken’s.

Whatever the Ignis had been searching for, he had found it in Ryouken. He pulls back slightly when Ryouken refuses to budge, nodding in what the young god could only take to be satisfaction.

“Looks like you’re not as big an asshole as I thought you were, Revolver-chan!” Ai laughs, eyes curving upwards unto an inverted U-shape, and Ryouken feels his eyebrow twitch in annoyance at the abhorrent nickname.

“I don’t care much for your evaluation of me, Ignis.” His sharp reply comes easy in the light of how much of a bother the purple-coloured Ignis just is, but Ai merely scoffs and shrugs away his comment, hands held up in a careless manner.

“Hey, I’m just stating the truth.” There is a pause as the Ignis straightens himself to look at him properly in the eyes, “You agreed to date Yuusaku-chan because it was beneficial for you, and not because you returned his feelings.” Ryouken has no comeback to that, feeling his insides twist uncomfortably at the words that are less of a question and more of a statement. Ai is right, it is the truth. Nothing Ryouken do could change the fact that he had agreed to become Yuusaku’s boyfriend solely because he had, at that point in time, thought – logically and correctly – that it increased his own chances of survival in the game. His eventual affection for the younger boy is something that only came to be because of Yuusaku’s dedication and selflessness with regards to Ryouken.

“If you’re looking for a denial, you won’t find it.” Ryouken is not the kind of person to not take responsibilities for his mistakes, painful as they are. His inability to save Yuusaku during their final face-off against Lightning is something that will follow him for lifetimes to come.

“Tsk, stop interrupting and listen to me.” Ai chastises and Ryouken suppresses the urge to reach out and crush the Ignis. “I know that, but you grew to love him. You made sure Yuusaku-chan slept and ate properly, and he had been happier with you around. Of course, you couldn’t tell, being as emotionally constipated as you were back then.”

“And now you are giving up all this to save him.” The tiny purple-humanoid gestures to their surroundings, “That means you’re choosing him over something humans have spent lifetimes, centuries and most of their evolution history lusting over, because you feel like you’ve let Yuusaku-chan down, and because you love him. This means you’re not as foolish or as bad a person as you think yourself to be.” Ai skips forward to flick Ryouken on his forehead, and Ryouken, to his surprise, doesn’t flinch away from the contact.

“You’ve made your choice, and it’s a good one." 

He’s being torn apart by the growing conflict in him. On one hand, there is this urge to maim the Ignis for speaking as if he knows how Ryouken thinks; on the other, Ai had hit the nail right on the head, and having his emotions thrown so blatantly and straightforwardly back at him only served to amplify his guilt and longing for Yuusaku.

Hence, he chooses to ignore Ai’s last comment, turning towards Aqua instead and pretending that he didn’t hear the theatric noise of appal Ai made at being brushed off and ignored.

“Tell me what I need to do.” The female Ignis smiles gently at him like one would do an infant – or at least, Ryouken gets the impression that she’s doing that, what with the Ignises not having mouths.

“You should be able to feel the flow of time, just concentrate on it, and imagine that you’re pulling it backwards, towards where you want to go.” She tilts her head, as if remembering something important, “Where you end up in the past is entirely up to you, but I suggest that you decide carefully.”

Right, that makes sense. There are so many points in time that he could, theoretically, return to – but Ryouken’s already made up his mind the moment the Ignises suggested this insane plan.  

It would be nice if he could live out a longer life together with Yuusaku this time round. 

“I know where I’m going.” Aqua nods, and the rest of the Ignis floats up to gather into a circle around him, their bodies beginning to glow. 

“I wish you the best of luck, Kougami-kun.” 

“Godspeed, Revolver-chan!” Ai grins at him from where he’s positioned at the edge of his vision.

Ryouken takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. The light grows brighter from beyond his closed eyelids, creating spots of dark colours in his vision. He feels his consciousness fade away and a moment of panic arises, but that disappears as rapidly as the feelings in his limbs, descending as swiftly as the complete darkness.

_Wait for me, Yuusaku._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, first life!Ryouken was a cold bastard for most of it, hence why I didn't want to write it, haaaah.
> 
> Kudos/Comments greatly appreciated!


	2. chapter one: twenty one days (to save a life)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryouken returns to the past, and deals with... _complications_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Yuusaku this chapter, unfortunately. Good news is he _finally_ appears next chapter!
> 
>  _But_ this chapter is kinda important for the actual birth of Yan!Ryouken. You'll see why. 
> 
> Two BGMs for this: [Akie - Lemon (cover, original by Yonezu Kenshi)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2At_XJmBEE), [Charles Gounod/Yo-Yo Ma - Ave Maria](https://open.spotify.com/track/2kyEgPaAW8wdpvevPnkf0Z?si=MDsOM8ezQl6FBYO-1bzdIg)
> 
> Also, an 8k-long chapter. I'm amazed.
> 
> The tags are relevant as of this chapter!

Awareness returns like a spark. One moment, he was nothing, and the next Ryouken was reeling from the sudden lights that bombarded his vision as his eyes snap open to a familiar ceiling. Clutching his fingers, he calms his heaving breaths, hoping that he hadn’t let out any sounds unwittingly. It’s difficult to control one’s body’s automatic reactions to sudden sensory overload, and despite Ryouken’s self-control, he is currently a child -

Fuck, right. Yuusaku, the Ignis. The timeline. 

He looks down at himself, satisfied to find himself to be about the physical age of five years - he wouldn’t be able to confirm until he’s found a calendar, but it seems like he’s been successful. In the distance, the calm morning waves of Stardust Road plays like a nostalgic melody, welcoming him back to the past; welcoming him home. Decked out in his baby blue pyjamas - and a bed lined with matching sheets - Ryouken can’t help but to reminisce about how normal everything was.

But that’s okay, he could definitely use with some normalcy now. Some peace and quiet to plan and prepare for his eventual meeting with Yuusaku -

A knock, and Ryouken eyes the door, feeling panic and curiosity well up in him. No one ever woke him up in the mornings - Ryouken had always been rather independent as a child, with his father gone most of the time and despite Kyouko and Asou’s efforts towards spending time with him. Therefore, he had no idea who would greet him on the other side -

“Good morning, dear.” Ryouken’s insides freeze, and he stares at the female in the hallway, who was peeking in with a gentle smile playing across her soft features, the spark in her light blue eyes putting Ryouken at ease, early morning sunlight reflecting off her long silver-coloured hair. She looked as stunning as the precious image he kept hidden in his memory - his last view of her lying in her coffin, white silken hair arranged neatly and pale, still deathly beautiful in her ashen pallor.  

“Good- good morning, mother.” His mother frowns when he stutters, walking in to press a cool palm against his forehead - she’s wearing a blue apron over her white blouse and grey skirt, he notes - blue is - was, is - their favourite colour after all. 

Perhaps he’d have to make an exception for wisteria colours now. And green. 

“You don’t have a fever. Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” Ryouken supposes he does look a little disconcerted, if not completely freaked out right now. It could be the fact that he’s human again that’s allowing him to feel this way, or it could be the fact that he’s in his child body and doesn’t possess the ability to control his reactions as of yet.

Or, it could be because he’s staring at his mother, who’s been dead for at least a decade in his past timeline. 

“I, uh,” He begins, trying not to wince when he stutters again, how embarrassing. “I’m fine, mother. My throat’s just dry.” She laughs, bright and melodious, and his heart clenches. 

“I’ll set a glass of water for you on the table. Now go wash up and come down for breakfast, okay?” He nods, and she presses a kiss to his forehead, before leaving the room. Ryouken watches her leave, before dropping his head into his hands. 

He’s gone too far back - not by much, considering he hit the age mark pretty well, but still a good period from where he’d intended. Mother had died sometime when he was five, and instead of throwing himself back after her death had occurred, he’s now in the time before her death. 

Ryouken remembered that he’d cried and refused to leave his room for a month after her funeral, and Kyouko and Asou had to coax him out. 

Can he live through that again? The answer is yes - he had to, because Yuusaku lies beyond all this - but did he want to? Not really.

It doesn’t seem like he has a choice in this matter, unless he can somehow prevent his mother’s death - 

That’s a good idea. That is, in fact, a brilliant idea. He could keep both his mother and Yuusaku alive this time round, and father’s meddling hands away from both of them. 

Fuck, he thinks, running a hand through his head, the problem is, how did mother die the first time round? His father had something to do with it - and Ryouken wouldn’t put it past him - but Ryouken had never figured out the hows and whys (how foolish he had been).  

Hopping off his bed, he winced at how everything in his old room seem so much taller. Fourteen years. Fourteen years until he gets all that back. Maybe earlier if he gets lucky and trains hard enough. He knew the other participants of the game now, after all. Two years until he meets Yuusaku. 

He glances at the calendar on his desk as he makes his way to the bathroom - no need to give mother any more reason to worry by being slow. 

Three weeks to the day of mother’s death. 

Great. Just. Perfect. 

Ryouken feels a headache coming on. 

He’ll make sure everything goes as he wants to this time. He has to. 

The pair of determined blue eyes that stares back at him in the bathroom mirror makes him feel just a little more confident. Ryouken closes them, takes a deep breath and clenches his fists on the cool marble counter. Reality is making him feel very powerless at the moment - he’d been the most powerful entity in existence just a few moments ago, a stark contrast to this foolish, weak, child who needs a stool to reach the facet and even see his reflection fully. 

But this is okay, it’s a chance for him to not be foolish this time round. Ryouken smiles depreciatingly to himself, and reaches for his toothbrush and the toothpaste sitting in the mug in the corner of the counter top. The domestic normalcy of this daily routine is making him miss the days he had spent with Yuusaku. 

_“Ryouken, breakfast is ready.” He spits into the sink, lifting his torso up slightly to meet Yuusaku’s eyes in the mirror reflection. The younger boy looked startled for a moment, green eyes dancing over Ryouken’s chest before looking away as quickly as he’d directed his attention towards Ryouken’s upper body. The older male raises an eyebrow, rinses his mouth and washes his face to rid himself of the leftover toothpaste. It’s amusing how Yuusaku could be so straightforward sometimes regarding his feelings for Ryouken and shy when it comes to everything else about him. It’s not as if this is Yuusaku’s first time seeing Ryouken in a state of undress, and they’ve done stuff a lot more suggestive than just being naked around each other._

_He turns around to smirk at his boyfriend, who gains a splash of colour across his cheeks, bright green eyes looking up at the ceiling petulantly._

_“Like what you see?” Yuusaku finally meets his eyes._

_“Shut up.”_

_Ryouken’s smirk grows, and he steps forward to lift Yuusaku’s chin, the shorter male meeting his gaze in a stubborn determination, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides. He even looks pretty when he’s angry and scowling – something Ryouken didn’t think was possible for anyone._

_“Don’t be so cold,” He teases, enjoying the way Yuusaku’s eyes narrow and his shoulders tense. Leaning down, he whispers against Yuusaku’s lips, voice purposely deep and husky._

_“I was thinking we could do something fun before breakfast.”_

Ah, _no._ Ryouken hisses, splashing his face with water, shaking off the droplets from his fringe and shivering slightly when they hit his exposed collarbones. He doesn’t have time for this, especially if mother came knocking again – not to mention the fact that he doesn’t possess the actual ability to entertain anything remotely intimate, at least physiologically, at the moment.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have picked this time period after all. While Ryouken is fairly sure that his self-control would tide him through some of his more exciting thoughts and memories, that doesn’t make the process bearable.

Mother first, then everything else. He has time, after all. Taking out his toothbrush, he frowns as he rinses out the minty bubbles in his mouth, deep in thought. She had died suddenly in his previous life, having been the victim of a hit-and-run. While Ryouken no longer has any doubt about his father’s role in her death – Lightning had been disgustingly informative even without Ryouken asking – it is still difficult to pinpoint just where and when Kiyoshi had laid the trap. Even if Ryouken prevented her from leaving the house on her death day, there’s no guarantee that Kiyoshi wouldn’t try anything else – it was easy enough, with them living under the same roof. Or he could simply get whoever he had hired to target mother on another day instead.

Okay, so targeting the how was out of the question. Kiyoshi simply has too many chances and opportunities, and Ryouken can’t possibly foil all of them, especially in his current state. Which leaves Ryouken with the why.

The reason behind her death. Father wasn’t – or rather, he isn’t – the kind of person who would do something so dangerous without a valid reason. That meant that mother had forced his hand previously.

If only he could find out what the reason was, he’d know how and where he should intervene. Hopping down from the stool, he wipes his damp face with a towel, and then his hands, dumps it into a laundry basket. He scowls at the floor for a moment, marble tiles reflecting his glare back at him, before smoothing out his expression, turning to leave the bathroom for the kitchen.

As expected – and as he remembered – mother was alone, working at the kitchen countertop, humming a soft tune under her breath. Her face lights up as Ryouken descends the stairs towards the dining table. There were two plates of grilled salmon fillet placed on the table, along with two bowls of miso soup and rice. On the side closer to Ryouken, there was an extra glass of water. His stomach does a small lurch at the domesticity of the scene – he’d almost forgotten how nice it was to have his mother around. While he and Yuusaku had shared their occasional breakfasts, they had never done so in the Kougami mansion – Ryouken had abandoned the place as soon as the game started, it made figuring out his identity way too easy, and Yuusaku despised being in the place his father had spent his whole life in.

The scene playing out in front of him right now was something he never knew he’d missed, at least consciously.

“Come sit down and eat, Ryouken,” Something must’ve shown on his face, because her smile fades into a worried frown, “Are you still not feeling well?” He startles, and shakes his head. 

“No, I’m all right. Just a little hungry.” His stomach rumbles on cue, and he feels his face heat up in embarrassment. She giggles, and the sound soothes his sulking nineteen year-old pride.

“You are a growing boy, after all!” He smiles, lopsided, at her. Despite the truth of him being almost an adult, he is still stuck in his five-year-old body. Come to think of it, mother would probably baby him even if he were actually nineteen. Taking his seat, he waited for his mother to do the same, before making a show of looking confused and sad, ignoring the sinking feeling of guilt in his gut.

“I don’t see father, is he not having breakfast with us today?” His mother freezes for the slightest moment that was obvious even to Ryouken’s untrained eyes, expression darkening for a slight moment. Her hands were gripping her chopsticks so tightly that they shook, and Ryouken realises that she wasn’t sad simply because father wasn’t around.

She was sad, and angry, which could mean a couple of different things. However, considering the fact that she dies three weeks later, it is likely that the why has already occurred. A cold feeling seizes him, and while he can’t bring himself to be surprised, the feeling of dread comes accompanied by a similarly quiet anger.

Father had mother killed because she had figured something out – and Ryouken’s already too late to stop mother from finding out whatever information that could end with her killed.

He clenches his fists, balling the fabric of his pyjama pants. She looks up after a short moment, a small smile on her face that cuts through Ryouken’s very being. He didn’t think it was possible to hate his father more at the moment.

“He’s busy at the moment,” She manages, the tight smile still adorning her face, and Ryouken has to suppress his wince, “I don’t think he’ll be back for a while.” Her expression turns apologetic, and Ryouken remembers that he had foolishly declared his respect for his father when he had actually been five, all those years ago.

He wants to scream.

“I’m sorry, Ryouken, I know you miss your father, but his work is important.” Mother doesn’t say how she misses him too, and Ryouken knows it’s because she doesn’t. He doesn’t blame her either – he can’t say for sure that he missed his father, for it had been years since his funeral, a lifetime ago. Plus, Kiyoshi not being around might just work in Ryouken’s favour. Mother might be more inclined to talk about just what she knew if he wasn’t around. If Ryouken could coax it out of her, of course.

His mother beams – did she always look this fragile, her smiles this forced? He thought for a moment that the bright rays of the rising sun might just engulf her being and she’ll disappear – and claps her hands together. “Well, your father will sort himself out. Now, let’s eat! Itadakimasu.” Ryouken follows her example, clapping his tiny hands together with a soft “Itadakimasu.”

The meal tasted great, the company even better.

He’d almost forgotten how relaxing normalcy could be.

 

* * *

 

He’d also almost forgotten how stubborn mother could be, sometimes. Ryouken sighs as he pushes himself on his study chair around his room using his feet, looking up at the ceiling and frowning. He’d spent the last three days trying to get mother to talk, to no avail. It was as if she had made up her mind to keep Ryouken far out of whatever’s happening. It wasn’t as if Ryouken couldn’t understand where she’s coming from; as a more rational adult he fails to see the point of protecting a child from their evidently morally-lacking father, Ryouken also knows that he’d been a naïve child who thought his father could do no wrong at that – or, well, this – age.

The foolishness of his younger self aside, it’s usually a bad idea to tell a five-year-old how immoral father is with his experiments – Ryouken doubted kids that age even understood immorality at that abstract level.

There’s also another problem: his child body means he’s not as sharp as he used to be, and he’s also requires a lot more rest than normal. Mother was right that he is currently a growing boy, and Ryouken understood that if he wanted to prepare himself well for the upcoming survival game, he would have to start getting adequate rest and eating better diets. Adequate rest, however, is getting in his way of working and trying to figure out just what mother is keeping from him. Also, his undeveloped brain is not helping. Being a genius doesn’t mean you are necessarily free from biological constraints, and Ryouken has noted a sharp decrease in his self-control and ability to think his actions through before carrying them out – something he’s always took pride in. Concepts and things that would’ve taken him just a short moment to understand when he had been nineteen now took him a lot longer.

He’s also a lot more emotional – which, is annoying.

Everything is working against his favour, except maybe the fact that he’s in a time that allowed him to save mother and Yuusaku both.

She had gone out earlier today in the morning, smiling and patting Ryouken on the head, telling Ryouken to stay and watch the house – not that the mansion needed that, with its state-of-the-art security systems, but he supposed it was nice to be treated like a normal child every once in a while. Curiously, father has also been missing for the past three days, and Ryouken feels the dread settling in his stomach. He looks up at the calendar, trying to keep his breathing in control; he had eighteen more days. There’s still time.

What if there isn’t? What if, for some unexplainable reason, the existence of Ryouken’s older consciousness in this timeline had changed the future – or what if this timeline is just different fundamentally from his own past? While the latter seem a more likely reason for any changes, Ryouken found it hard to believe – he’d thrown himself back in time, not crossed universes. The very idea of a multi-verse is still fuzzy to him. During his short reign as god, he’d seen all of the possible futures that could occur, but he’d understood on an instinctual level that only one of them will becoming reality, depending on choices made and routes taken. The diaries had worked in a similar manner too, changing based on the players’ actions to reflect the sole possible future associated with them.

He’s not sure where his situation fits in. Perhaps he’s just being paranoid.

This is also giving him a huge headache. Mentally cursing his reduced mental ability and capacity, Ryouken kicks the floor hard one last time, sending him propelling towards the door, where he stops right before collision. Sighing, he glares at the door handle. He should be glad that he retained his memories at the very least – the knowledge of the future is useful, despite his inability to make sense of the concepts that he’d learned previously at the moment.

The sound of the front door closing catches his attention, and he perks up, jumping from the chair to open the door and make his way downstairs.

It was indeed mother, but – Ryouken’s breath catches in his throat – father was also with her.

 _Shit._ He freezes for a moment, before remembering that he was still on supposedly very good terms with his father. Hoping to play off his pause as surprise – well, it was indeed a surprise – Ryouken puts up the most convincing child-like grin he could manage, and dashes towards Kiyoshi, wrapping his small arms around the male’s torso. 

“Father, you’re back!” He mentally cringes, as mother’s dead body flashes and Yuusaku’s screams echo in his mind. If Ryouken could, he’d rather stab Kiyoshi and be done with it, but that also means he’d have to spend more time looking for Yuusaku, because the younger boy had known nothing about his past, which meant that Ryouken knows nothing too. He needed Kiyoshi to kidnap Yuusaku in order for them to meet. The thought of this leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

From the corner of his vision, he catches mother’s wince, and his heart reaches out to her. He lets Kiyoshi go, and uses all of his self-control to not just grab his mother and run, instead staying rooted to where he was.

“I’ve missed you! Mother says you’re busy but I’m so glad you’re back!” Not really. Ryouken supposed he wouldn’t harbour hate of this extend for his father had mother not been alive and well here to remind him of Kiyoshi’s greatest sin against this family. However, she is, and watching the two of them stand together makes Ryouken balk internally.

Father pats his head as Ryouken continues to smile. “I’m back for only today, and I’ll be heading back to the lab tomorrow morning.” He makes sure to look like a good and obedient child; disappointed, but tries hard to keep it hidden.

Throughout this interaction, mother stays silent, watching with her lips pressed in a thin line. If father notices, he doesn’t say anything.

He’s in for a very stuffy evening, then. Ryouken mentally groans as he turns to return to his room. Not only does he not get the chance to continue asking mother questions, he’s going to have to endure father being in the same room during dinner without wanting to commit some kind of violence against him.

Glad to know that certain penchant of his is still intact. It’ll come in handy when the game starts. Or if he actually decides to kill Kiyoshi himself, whichever comes first.

Mercifully, dinner was a quick process – albeit painfully silent, with mother barely taking any bites of her food and Kiyoshi acting like nothing was off, asking Ryouken questions about his studies.

Ryouken endures all of those with a shy smile, all but boiling inside. He almost wished for them to have Western food tonight, just so that he could have an excuse to _accidentally_ hurl his fork or knife at him.

He continues playing the obedient son, following father up the stairs of their seaside mansion into his study after dinner, where Kiyoshi turns to him and pats him on the head.

“Ryouken, I have to get some work done,” Ryouken manages to turn his grimace into a sad pout, “Can I come along and watch you?” It’s a risky move, he knows, but it would help for him get any and all information he could on the experiment that would eventually turn Yuusaku’s life upside-down.

“Maybe next time,” As expected, father brushes him off, but a wave of relief washes through him at Kiyoshi not being suspicious of Ryouken’s sudden interests in his work. He wouldn’t have caught any of the differences – he was never at home enough to really understand Ryouken.

Ryouken beams, and watches carefully as father operates the digital lock, fingers tapping the keys on the touch panel. He doesn’t want to assume that it’s remained the same for ten years, careful as Kiyoshi is, and trying the lock combination any earlier would be too risky, since he knows father had programmed it – in the future, at least – to send a notification to him should someone enter in the wrong code.

Kiyoshi opens the door, and turns back to spare a glance at Ryouken, who forms his face into a smile – genuine this time, for he now knows that the code isn’t different from the one stored in his memory.  

“Good night, father!”

“Good night, Ryouken.”

 

* * *

 

He wakes up early the following morning, cheek pressed to his door listening for signs of Kiyoshi’s movements. Mother wouldn’t be up this early, and his parents sleep in different rooms – he wondered why the hell had he not taken that as a warning sign in his previous life – so Kiyoshi’s tell-tale footsteps were easy to detect.

The front door opens and closes with a heavy sound, and Ryouken wastes no time in sneaking out of his room on light toes to Kiyoshi’s study. While the lock is a very high up for his smaller body, he manages to reach it on tip-toes, small, stubby fingers entering the familiar code with ease. Watching with smug satisfaction as the lock beeps softly to signal it’s unlocked state, Ryouken smirks and twists the knob, making his way into the room and closing the door gently behind him. 

His father’s study is exactly as he remembers – with book shelves lining the top of the four walls, state-of-the-art monitors – for the time – sitting on the study tables against one wall. Ryouken frowns, mentally cursing himself for not thinking this through – the study had been empty in his time, and of course sensitive top secret information would’ve been kept on PCs. It wasn’t like he could break into the locked drawers either, since he could not lock them up, and Kiyoshi would find out eventually if they were left unlocked.

Sighing, he got to work on the drawers without locks, and as expected, found nothing of importance lying around. If he had to admire his father for one thing, it’s the man’s tendency to always be careful and planning ahead – a trait that Ryouken had inherited and utilised quite a lot in the future.

It would be better if he were able to exercise some of those abilities now, though. 

The third drawer, closest to the ground, Ryouken opens makes him pause. A pocket knife sits at the corner of the storage space, small and inconspicuous. Why would father have a pocket knife lying around? Instincts developed from the game scream at him to take it, for it wouldn’t be wise of him to wander around without any kind of weapon, and Ryouken reaches out to pick it up with small fingers, holding the knife to eye level.

While the fact that he is now a child again had registered in his mind, he had never truly realised how small he is until he saw the stubby, child-like fingers wrapped around the hilt body.

He frowns, shaking the thought away. It’s still a weapon, and with any luck, father wouldn’t notice it missing for a while – he knows there’s that handgun locked away in this room somewhere, and that’s not as useful in this body as the knife is – so he’ll sneak it away for future use, if need be.

“Ryouken?” Jumping out and almost dropping the knife in surprise, he looks at the small digital clock on the study, eyes widening. Mother usually wakes him up at around this time, and she’ll realise that he’s not in bed! He slams the drawer shut and nimbly slides the knife behind him, letting the elastic band of his pyjamas pants hold it in place. Praying that mother doesn’t notice it – and hoping it doesn’t fall – Ryouken brisk-walks out of the room, shutting the study door behind him quietly, not bothering to listen for the beep indicating that it’s locked.

“Mother, good morning!” He intercepts her with a bright smile just as she ascends the stairs, the feel of the knife obvious against his skin. She looks surprised at him being awake and out of his room, and her eyes flicker in the direction of Kiyoshi’s study.

“What are you doing being awake so early?” It’s perfectly normal for her to be suspicious, especially when it comes to father, so Ryouken squashes the sadness that wells up in him and continues beaming.

“I wanted to see father off, so I knocked on the study’s door, but it seems that he’s already gone.” He lets his expression fall into one of disappointment, and peeks up through his bangs to see mother’s expression soften.

“I’m so sorry, Ryouken, I’m afraid your father won’t be back for a while.” She reaches forward to ruffle his hair, and he tenses slightly, hoping that she doesn’t hug him for once.

“I see…” The situation would be hilarious if it weren’t the fact that he could get in so much trouble if she found out that he snuck a knife out of father’s study, and was attempting to hide it from her. Right now, however, he really had to get the knife back to his room!

“Away with that long face,” Mother smiles at him, suspicion still dancing around in her eyes, and turns to make her way down the stairs. “Breakfast is almost ready. I made your favourite, so cheer up, okay?” He grins back at her, nodding.

If he believed that God was The Almighty who always answered prayers, he would’ve been really grateful to Them. However, given that Ryouken knows the truth – and there was no way in hell he was going to be grateful to any of the Ignises – he could only attribute this to really good luck. Making his way back to his room, he closes the door with a sigh of relief, reaching behind him to pull the knife back out. It’s at times like these that the diaries come in handy – he could’ve circumvented the entire meeting with mother and avoided the unnecessary risk.

Well, it turned out fine anyway. Shrugging, he places the knife below his pillow carefully – where he’s always kept one – and makes his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

 

* * *

 

The following four days passed by in a blur, with half of it spent on sleeping and napping and eating of all things – Ryouken is getting very tired of, well, getting tired. As well as not being able to stay focused and attentive. Mother goes out every day, and she starts giving him suspicious looks when she thinks he’s not looking. He’s probably asking too many questions by now, especially when he’s bugging her about where she’s going, and if she’s going to visit father.

He probably hasn’t been behaving in the least conspicuous manner either, but at this point, he couldn’t care less. Between the approaching time limit and his own biological limitations, Ryouken had no wish to fake anything beyond what he’s currently doing with mother. The fact that he can’t simply sit her down and explain why he’s acting this way makes things more difficult.

“Ryouken, I’m home!” Perking up from his lounging position on the bed, he carefully closes the book on neurodevelopment that he’d snitched from father’s library.

If mother greeted him like this, it meant that Kiyoshi’s not around.

“Welcome back, mother!” The smile on his face isn’t forced, and mother smiles back at him, holding onto a white plastic bag filled with groceries. “How was your trip? What’s for dinner?” She laughs and pats him on the head.

“It was good, thank you for asking, you sweet boy.” Making her way to the open kitchen counter, she turns back to look at Ryouken when he follows her to peek curiously into the bag. Onion, carrots, potatoes…

“We’re having curry for dinner?” Mother beams at him, and he grins back, all teeth, in reply.

“We haven’t had it in a while, so I was thinking we can have it today.” Pausing, she looked unsure for a moment, “Plus, your father’s not coming back again tonight, so this is a good time to have curry.” Right, Kiyoshi is definitely not partial to the dish, but what made Ryouken more curious was the fact that mother knows father’s whereabouts. From his memories, Kiyoshi never updated either of them on his whereabouts before mother’s untimely death.

“Did father tell you he’s not coming back?” From his position at her side, he could feel her freeze as she realises her slip. Placing the carrot that she had been holding onto the counter, she turned and squat down to look directly into Ryouken’s eyes, a determined light in her’s. The silence that plays out between them is uncomfortable, and Ryouken watches with sadness and dread as mother’s gaze turn suspicious instead.

“Ryouken, did your father put you up to this?” He frowns. It’s only natural for mother to have doubts about the whole situation, but he hadn’t expected her to confront him so directly about this. She places her hands on his shoulders, and Ryouken can feel them shake.

There are tears in her eyes, he realises, and he watches his own widen in the watery reflection of her light blue irises. Guilt seizes him, and he bites his lips, thinking about how he should proceed. He could lie and say it’s cause she’s been acting weird, or he could come clean and tell her the truth –

“No, no, he didn’t.” Words tumble out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I – you’ve been really sad and,” He hasn’t felt this out of control since Yuusaku, and this is not good. “I just think you’re worried about father, that’s all.” Finishing lamely, he looks up at mother, scrunching up his face. There’s a conflicted expression on her face as she continues to stare at Ryouken intently, trying to judge his words. After another period of silence, she slowly takes a shaky breath, before releasing her grip on his shoulders.

“Okay. Okay.” Whispering, she presses her forehead to his, eyes closed. Ryouken’s heart clenches at the scene, and he presses his forehead back in return, trying to alleviate some of her pain – everything that father’s put her through, and the past few days where she had to live suspecting her one and only son of spying on her. Reaching for her hands, he presses their palms together and laces their fingers.

While she had loved him unconditionally when the had been alive, Ryouken had never known just how much she had been keeping to herself. Perhaps her death had been tragic, but maybe she had been spared a lot more pain with her early death.

That doesn’t mean Ryouken’s going to let her die, however. He’s already failed everyone he loved in his past, and he’ll make sure they all live this time.

“…Ryouken, I have something to tell you.” Slowly, she pulls back and looks at him as if he’s the most precious thing to her, and he nods, not knowing how else to react. Numbness settles in him, a visceral reaction to what mother might tell him.

“Your father…” Mother’s face scrunches up, eyebrows knitted together in worry and hesitation. Her hands shake and Ryouken remains rooted in his position. “He’s not…” She cuts off again, unsure how to continue, “He’s not… a good person. I don’t…” He bites his lips as his mother’s expression twists further, head now facing down and sobbing, and his nails dig into his palms hard enough to break skin and even draw blood.

“He’s planning to carry out experiments that involve torturing children. Mother, I know.” The words come out a resigned whisper – he never spoke about the incident ever again with Yuusaku after that one time, and by some miracle above Yuusaku had never blamed him or confronted him about it again. There had been a special kind of mercy that Yuusaku had shown Ryouken, with his blatant nonchalant attitude about his captivity and torture. A mercy and a privilege that Ryouken no longer possesses.

Blue eyes peer up at him in shock, Ryouken has never seen his mother look this shaken up and broken. Her mouth moves without sound, and Ryouken ponders his options – he could tell her the truth, or spin a story about how he’d found out. A part of him reels at the second option – mother has been through so much, and she, of all people, at least deserves the truth.

“Mother, I have something to tell you.” And the words come flowing out, like water out of a broken tap. Every single one of Ryouken’s sins, from when he first knew of father’s experiments in his past life, to Yuusaku, to the people he’s killed, and finally his decision to return to the past. Mother – his precious, understanding mother – listens, quiet throughout, her eyes never leaving Ryouken’s face, hands glued to his shoulders.

“I know this is hard to believe,” He is halfway to sobbing as tears well up in his eyes, everything laid out and exposed in front of his mother for her to judge her disgraceful son, “but it’s –” All of a sudden, he’s being pulled into a tight embrace and mother’s patting the back of his head, kissing his temple and making soft noises.

“I believe you, Ryouken.” Her faint whispers breaks him and he feels the tears fall, nuzzling into her shoulders. “My precious. You’ve gone through so much.” He sobs.

“I’m a horrible person.” The hold on him tightens, before mother lets go to cup his face, pressing her forehead to his again. 

“Ryouken, precious. Listen to me, please.” She takes a shaky breath, “You might have done some bad things, and maybe you have used Yuusaku-kun’s feelings for your own benefits, perhaps even realised your own too late. However, you’ve made your choice, and you’re here now.”

“Loving your father and having his love is like a curse,” Ryouken’s heart stills at those words, heard from her a second time in his memory, “But, but you won’t be like him. Having your love and loving you? Yuusaku-kun is lucky.” Her voice is steady, like whatever she’s saying is a fact. Ryouken disagrees.

“I brought him to his _death_ , mother.” Hissing and scrunching his eyes shut, he whimpers, “He’s dead because of me.”

“And you are back here because of that. You want to save him, don’t you?” She ruffles his hair, and he opens his eyes hesitantly to look at her – her exasperated smiling face, and Ryouken’s a petulant child who has gotten hurt and needs to be comforted.

 _You, too. I want to save you too._ He doesn’t say the words out loud, but she reads them in his expression anyway, and her own darkens.

“Ryouken. Focus on what you returned to do.” She cuts off his protest, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, “I’ll deal with your father.”

“But you’ll -!” Ryouken falls silence as she places a finger on his lips, the same gentle smile on her face, a certain sheen in her eyes. He wants to scream. It’s not fair that she’s has to shoulder this, it’s not her responsibility to stop father from doing all the horrifying things that he had done and will carry out once again.

“I have to do this, please, let me do this.” Something chokes him, and he finds himself unable to say all the things that’s running through his mind. He shakes his head violently instead, reaching up to hold onto her sleeves tightly.

“No,” A part of him is ashamed at what he’s been reduced to – a begging, sobbing mess – in front of his beloved mother. Another is a child that begs for her to not go, because he knows she’ll be going to her death and he _does not want her to die_. “No.” She stays silent, smiles lovingly down at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Ryouken, I want you to promise me something.” He wants to shake his head, stubbornly turn a deaf ear to whatever she wants to say. However, that won’t solve anything, and he knows it will not change her mind.

Hence, he stays quiet, paying attention.

“I want you to save and protect Yuusaku-kun this time round.” Her eyes are half-lidded and there’s a slight lilt to her lips. “And most importantly, I want you be happy, whatever happens.”

How could he, when he knows he might very well fail to save mother’s life this time? 

“I’m sorry I can’t promise to be there for you this time either.” Denial floods his system, and it builds into frustration – that he’s been sent back to a time where his mother is still alive, and has to watch her die all over again without being able to do anything. “I’ll try to not die in the process, but Kiyoshi is very crafty, you have to admit.” It pains him to hear mother talk about her possible demise in such a matter-of-factly manner.

“How can you be so calm?” He finally loses it, words coming out rushed and rough, tears continue to fall. “You’re going to die!” Mother reaches up to pat his head, bringing him close once again.

“Ryouken, precious, I suppose you’re old enough for this story now.” There’s an element of mockery in her smile, “Not physically I mean, but mentally.”

“The marriage between Kiyoshi and I was arranged. My parents – your grandparents whom you’ve never met, thankfully – were strict traditionalists who were established in the network business. The Kougami family was of similar social standing as mine, and Kiyoshi first saw me at one of those really boring parties that we were all forced to attend.” She looks at him to see his stunned look, before smiling sheepishly, “I actually rebelled against my family when I was younger, so Kiyoshi’s interest in me worked in my favour, for a while anyway.”

“I escaped the stifling environment of my family, only to enter Kiyoshi’s controlling one.” She looks thoughtful, “To be honest, had I not had you, or had you been born a girl, I would’ve ran away.” A twinge of guilt assaults Ryouken, and mother’s eyes widen as she realises that her words could’ve been taken the wrong way.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you’re you. Kiyoshi wanted a heir, that’s why he treats you so well, I suppose.” She pats her own chin in thought, all traces of melancholy gone. Ryouken supposes she’s gone through this with herself enough times to become desensitised to the emotions associated with this topic. “I do love Kiyoshi in a way, I wouldn’t have married someone whom I couldn’t see myself loving. But he would’ve turned out like my father had you been a girl, and I wouldn’t have wanted to subject any child to that.” Shaking her head, she continues.

“My point is, from how I see it, I’ve spent my life being controlled by circumstances. I could’ve fought more in my earlier years, but my father was extremely influential,” Her expression darkens once again, “So he could’ve found me even if I ran away from home, and I would end up losing whatever freedom I had. Kiyoshi was my way out, and while life with him ended up being completely different from what I had in mind, you kept me grounded, and I’m glad for that so don’t you ever think otherwise.”

“This is my one and only chance to take my own stand. I don’t want Kiyoshi to go down this road, I love him enough to at least do that. Nor do I want any child to get hurt in the name of progress.” Light blue eyes shone brightly in the dim lighting of Stardust Road now, the sun having long set in the background and the waters reflecting the soft rays of the full moon. 

“So I have to do this, I’m ready to do this.” He stays silent, still holding onto her, not knowing what to say. Lethargy sets in, the physiological strain of crying too much for young body, and he tries hard to stay awake. Everything screams at him that if he fell asleep now, he’ll never see his mother alive again – and she doesn’t deserve that. It’s all wrong, she’s not supposed to die this early! He wriggles against her hold. However, she continues to hold Ryouken close, patting his head and slowly lulling him to sleep despite his struggles.

And it’s working. Ryouken feels his child body giving into the comfort of a mother’s embrace, aided by the added emotional stress.

The last thing he feels is a tender kiss on his head. 

“Just promise me that you’ll be happy.”

 

* * *

 

There’s shouting. Ryouken realises as he returns to consciousness – mother's shouting. That makes him sit up immediately, eyes wide and staring at his room door. He reaches under his mattress tentatively, tiny fingers curled around the pocket knife hidden there, shoving it into the back of his pants.

“You can’t do this, I won’t let you!” Hissing, he jumps off his bed and makes his way to the door, pressing his ear against it. No, no, _no_. He’s screwed up – mother’s not supposed to be confronting father this early – or maybe not at all. If she continues… His whole being chills at the thought of the consequences, thinking back to mother’s serene form in her coffin.

“You’re not in a position to stop me right now.” His fists clench at Kiyoshi’s cold tone, and he slowly turns the knob on his door, poking his head out trying to determine where the quarrel was coming from.

“Torturing children for the sake of science? That’s not progress!” Mother’s tone is acidic, and Kiyoshi counters with equal frigidity.

“It’s for the sake of humankind. Why did you have to find out so much?”  

“Kiyoshi, please, if you have any kind of morals left in you at all –” And Ryouken is running towards father’s study, uncaring to hide his footsteps – his parents are arguing so loudly they probably won’t notice anyway. Heart hammering in his chest, he prays that mother will be okay.

“The Ignis project has to go through. Step away, Yui, and I’ll let you live.”

“No!”

He reaches the ajar door and pulls it open with such force that the backlash almost sends him back, just in time to hear the familiar sound of a bullet being fired.

Red, a rain of red floods his vision, and it takes a moment for him to identify the whispers of silver amongst the dark patches of maroon. Mother doesn’t even have time to scream as the bullet goes through her left chest, propelling her backwards and onto the floor. Her beautiful long hair flairs outwards as she hits the ground, head rolling to face Ryouken, her chest moving with shallow breaths.

She doesn’t have long to live, Ryouken has killed people this way, and a bullet through the lung – if not through the heart – would be enough to kill anyone within moments, especially if the rib is fractured and puncturing the organs. He runs towards her, uncaring of Kiyoshi’s surprise at seeing him in the room. 

“Ryouken!” 

“Mother!” He presses a tiny shaking hand to her gunshot wound, and he could see her eyes glazing over and her breaths grow lighter. She smiles at him, blood flowing out of her mouth.

_“Yuusaku!”_

_The boy in his arms chuckles, tiny specks of blood flying out of his mouth, head lolling to the side and green eyes looking straight at him. There’s a soft smile on his face as he looks up at Ryouken, a hand reaching to caress Ryouken’s cheeks._

_“Are you okay?” Yuusaku’s voice, usually strong and firm, is wavering and weak. His vision of the younger boy bleeding out in his arms blurs, and Ryouken could only nod, in shock, unable to say anything else._

_You silly boy, why did you have to protect me?_

_“I’m… glad.” Viridian coloured eyes narrow in contentment and exhaustion, and Ryouken couldn’t stop the tears from falling as his hold on Yuusaku tightens, burying the younger boy in his embrace._

“She was in my way, Ryouken.”

_“Tche, I wanted to get you, but Fujiki Yuusaku’s good enough too. You’re both just nuisances that I need to get rid of eventually anyway.”_

“I gave her the option to step away, you must understand. Your mother was trying to interfere with something that could be extremely beneficial for humankind, and I couldn’t let her ruin it.”

 _“Maybe if he hadn’t stepped in my way, he would’ve lived for a few moments longer. Not that much of a pity, however.”_  

Hatred flares up in him as mother’s eyelids flutter shut, chest movements slowly stopping. Ryouken sets her down slowly and stands up, eyes glaring dead on at Kiyoshi, before pulling out the pocket knife from the back of his pants, unsheathing it and throwing the scabbard away. Kiyoshi frowns at that.

“Ryouken, put that down. That’s not a toy.” A bubble of laughter escapes from him, because of course he knows that a knife isn’t a toy. He’s killed people, he’s watched them die, all of them, just as the way Yuusaku had.

Just like how mother had. 

So Kiyoshi doesn’t get to reprimand him like a _good adult_ – because Ryouken knows more about weapons and murders than Kiyoshi ever would. And he has never killed anyone he loved in cold blood, ever.

Therefore, Kiyoshi doesn’t get to live. He deserves to burn in the depths of hell like Lightning, who’d taken Yuusaku away from him. Ryouken will make sure this happens.

“No, father. I know this isn’t a toy.” Boyish giggles dying down, he replies with an entirely flat voice, both mind and body oddly calm. The older male takes a step forward to grab at the knife, undeterred by his son’s odd behaviour.

He only gets one chance, but one chance is all he needs. Part of him is strangely analytical and remains observant throughout the situation – for all of his physical disadvantage, it seemed like retaining the memories of the game had helped. An agile twist to avoid Kiyoshi’s hands, and Ryouken thrusts the knife forward, aiming for the hand holding onto the handgun. 

A sadistic sense of satisfaction fills him at the howl from Kiyoshi as the knife sinks into his flesh and between his bones, severing the nerves in his hands, and Ryouken remembers the exhilarating feeling of participating in the wildest and most violent parts of the game. Some parts of him have missed this, the fact that he has the upper hand, and how his opponents always lose to him… him and…

There’s something missing in this picture, but he’ll remedy that, soon, too. It’s what he’s come to do, it’s what he’s promised to do.

The gun falls onto the floor with a clatter, and Ryouken sees it with absolute clarity, tiny body pumped up with adrenaline. Kiyoshi starts to scramble for it at the corner of his vision, cradling his injured hand, but Ryouken is faster, pushing himself forward as fast as possible, nimble fingers picking up the handgun. He’s positioned himself with it in a moment, form perfect from numerous battles and endless practice.

“Ryouken, don’t you dare –”

Oh, but he _does_.

Recoil sends him flying backwards as expected, but he sees Kiyoshi’s bloodied neck, the thick liquid gushing out from the hole that Ryouken had all but blown through his throat area, and he feels a smile form on his face. _Good riddance._

Pain explodes at the back of his head, and his vision flashes white, before it fades into nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Ryouken. ~~The chapter title is a lie.~~
> 
> In other news, Kougami Kiyoshi is a bastard. I'm glad he's dead. Not so good for Ryouken though, since he fucks up the timeline by doing this. Boy what are you doing.
> 
> There's a reference somewhere in this chapter, can you catch it?


	3. chapter two: interlude (in fragments)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment she turns, his heart stops. Yuusaku had turned along with her, so he only managed to catch a glimpse of that side profile in the briefest of seconds, but with chubby cheeks and bright green eyes and hair the colour of late spring, there stood Ryouken’s destiny in all his innocent, childlike glory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuusaku!! (That said I can't believe this is my first update of the year...)
> 
> recommended BGMs:  
> [Revolver's Calculations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jjpFdx9rk4)  
> [Lost Incident](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAN2oNoBtvk) (in the middle)
> 
> This chapter is shorter than the previous one, but I felt like it was a good place to cut it off.

He’s getting really tired of waking up from restless darkness. Ryouken winces as his consciousness returns, eyes protesting against the lights in the environment despite being closed. There’s the distinct smell of disinfectant in the distance, and there’s – there’s someone beside him. Instincts make him tense up, and he directs his concentration to listening to the sound from the other.

The person is female, and she’s sobbing. It takes Ryouken a split second, but he eventually recognises the voice as Kyouko. He relaxes, and slowly opens his eyes to the bright environment of the hospital room he’s in. Kyouko jerks and gasps in surprise when Ryouken tugs on her hand, rested on the edge of the bed. She blinks away the shock and wipes away her tears with the back of her other hand, a half-smile forming on her face.

“Ryouken-kun, you’re awake.” Her voice shakes with all the sniffs, she must’ve been crying for a long time… What time is it, anyway?

“Kyouko-san?” He takes care to wear his mask of perfect innocence, which is relatively easy to pull off, and watches as her expression twists into one of despair. A part of him feels slightly sorry for her, but he waves that away with little difficulty – this is a Kyouko who had been supportive of the experiment eventually leading to the Lost Incident, and while Ryouken knows she had been regretful in the future, that is a future that would no longer come to past with Kiyoshi’s death. There’s no reason for Ryouken to pity her at all.

What he does have, however, is a reason to be worried. With the man gone, Ryouken has also lost his one deep connection with Yuusaku. The situation had forced his hand in killing Kiyoshi, but what next?

Kyouko, who had been strangely silent, finally speaks up, voice soft and laced with worry.

“Ryouken-kun.” He looks up at her in question, tilting his head to the side at her frown. “Do you remember what happened?”

There it is, Ryouken fights his instinct to tense up, knowing that it is way too early to play his cards. Lovely as she is, Kyouko could never be her mother, and Ryouken would never be as honest with her as he is with his mother.

“No, not really.” He shakes his head, morphing his expression into one of worry. “Mother was just lying there, and father was standing over her, and he had this gun –” Kyouko shushes him with a hiss, one hand covering his mouth, eyes shooting to the door in vigilance and a hint of fear.

So the police were here, hm? Ryouken’s eyes dart to the IV tube inserted into his arm, then around the room, looking for anything that could possibly work as a weapon, should there be need to escape, and the need to silence some people arose. The room is distastefully coloured in bright colours – he is in the children’s ward, after all – and it seems he’s not going to find anything better than his IV needle. While Japan’s age of legal responsibility is fourteen, there’s no way he’s going to spend the rest of his childhood in a facility.

With the way things have progressed, it seems that he’s going to be sent to an orphanage anyway.  

“Ryouken-kun, please,” Kyouko’s voice is pleading, her eyes as red as her hair as Ryouken turns to look back at her, “When the detectives ask you questions, please, say you don’t remember anything. At all.” Ryouken supposes that’s reasonable – he is, after all, only five. And the recoil from the gun had sent him flying into something – now that he is actually paying attention, there is a dull throbbing pain at the back of his head – giving him a really nice bandage around his head. Concussions in children this young usually led to memory problems – constant collisions could mean permanent developmental issues. While Ryouken doubts anything would actually happen to him, he makes a note to never repeat this again.

“Okay,” He nods, and she leaves her chair, squats down to meet him at eye level, gripping his hand firmly.

“Make sure to insist that you don’t remember anything, okay?”

“Okay.” Lying and avoiding the police is beneficial at this step, even if Ryouken can’t be charged for his father’s murder. It is to his advantage that he plays the naïve child at the moment. Something in his tone must’ve convinced Kyouko, for she nods back, stands up, and tells him to wait in his bed. Ryouken watches as she opens the door tentatively, fingers flexing hesitantly around the knob.

He doesn’t know the two people – one male, one female – entering the hospital room, but one of them bears a striking similarity to a certain someone Ryouken had known in his past life. With lilac hair and a sharp, long face, the taller of the two looks remarkably like Blood Shepherd.

“Hello, Kougami Ryouken-kun.” Ryouken hopes he has masked his shock into something resembling surprise at seeing two older man barging into his hospital room. He spots Kyouko at the corner of the room, eyes downcast, hands held together, fingers twisting in nervousness. Nodding in reply, he mumbles a soft greeting in reply, not meeting either of their eyes.

“I’m Detective Doujun,” That confirms Ryouken’s suspicions – Blood Shepherd had been an annoying police officer, after all. It usually runs in the family. “And this is my partner Detective Bessho.” Now that’s interesting, Ryouken files that tiny bit of information away for future use. He’s never met Ghost Girl in person, but he could picture her visage from this politely smiling woman in front of him. She steps forward, smiling kindly at him.

“We just need to you to answer some questions, if that’s okay?” He deliberately makes a show of staring at them both in contemplation, before nodding carefully. Kyouko’s biting her lips now, and Ryouken wondered just what kind of cover-up they had fed the officers.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” The officers are smarter than they’ve given them credit for, Ryouken supposes. He chooses to go with a vague answer.

“Some noises from father’s study,” Kyouko’s shoulder relaxes slightly, and Ryouken knows he’s gotten the location correct, at least. Then again, Kyouko wouldn’t have let him be subjected to questioning if they had moved the locations of the bodies. “I don’t know,” He cuts off suddenly, making sure his voice is soft and shaky, a scared young child, “I heard some sounds, and didn’t dare go out to check. Mother’s always said not to.”

“But you were found at the scene, do you remember that?” So that’s how they’re going to come at Ryouken – playing good-cop-bad-cop on children? He supposed it’ll work, on anyone who’s five years-old and doesn’t have a complete grasp of the system. He shakes his head no.

“I, no, I don’t,” His voice shakes harder, and Ryouken balls his hands into fists under his blanket, nails cutting deep into his skin. The pain brings tears to his eyes, and he looks up at the detectives.

“What happened to mother and father?” He asks, putting on the most pitiful look he can manage, satisfied when the two detectives pull back, Doujun softening slightly, a suspicious look still in his eyes.

“We think your parents might have been killed in a target hit.” What kind of classified information had Kyouko and Asou fed them for them to get to this conclusion? Ryouken is amused and curious at the same time, but quickly squashes that away lest his emotions show on his face.

“What does that mean?” Instead, he plays the role of the ignorant child perfectly, and watches as Bessho’s expression turn pitiful. A sense of disdain wells up in him and he resists the urge to scowl and sneer at the woman – there are worse things in Ryouken’s life than dead parents. He vaguely wonders how the two in front of him would react if they knew that he’s the person who will kill one of their precious children in the future.

“It means that your parents – your father, actually – are working on some really important things, and there are bad people out there who are out to harm them because of this.” Bessho seems to have pulled herself together, squats down so that she is eye-to-eye with Ryouken.

“Why?” Watching the female detective’s expression change is a form of entertainment – he’s a little disappointed by the fact that Blood Shepherd turned out to be one-dimensional, in no way resembling his mother, who is proving to be more dynamic. Her eyebrows furrow together, and she bites her lips, Ryouken assumes she’s conflicted on how to explain a situation as devastating as this to a young child.

Well, let her be. Killing Kiyoshi hadn’t offered him the reprieve from the sadness that he’d felt from mother’s death – nor the fact that he had preemptively saved Yuusaku and five other children from six months of meaningless torture offered him any kind of calm and serenity. If anything, he feels more unsettled. Kiyoshi’s death means Yuusaku wouldn’t be delivered to him, which complicates things. He’s not about to be the only one feeling frustrated at the current situation.

“… His work is important,” Ryouken has to bite his tongue to hold back his sneer, “And there are other people who want it for their own benefits. Do you understand?” He is very acquainted with the dirtiest part of the human nature, so he nods. It’s the truth, besides, Bessho and Doujun have overstayed their welcome anyway, if Kyouko’s fallen expression is of any indication. For Ryouken, he’ll need to figure out a way to get to Yuusaku, or vice versa, and he can’t do that with these two around him.

“…Very well, we shall be taking our leave.” The two detectives retreat from his bedside, Bessho standing up and offering him one pat on his shoulder. They exit the room after a curt nod to Kyouko, who returns the gesture in a daze, nose still red and sniffling. Ryouken’s eyes narrow at the scientist, who doesn’t notice his gaze. He waits patiently for the footsteps of the detectives to fade down the hallway, before perking up.

“Kyouko-san, where’s Asou-san?” She tenses, wide eyes staring at Ryouken, before tearing them away to meet anywhere but his gaze. He tries to tone down the air of innocent ignorance, no need to pressurise Kyouko anymore than he already has, not when she looks like she’s about to break under the stress from all that has occurred recently. While part of the reason was that he needed his ex-caretaker to be coherent and not a sobbing mess, a certain part of him softens at Kyouko’s predicament. 

Her precious mentor is dead, and his own son had killed him — a tragedy that would’ve crushed Ryouken what seems like eons ago. Now, he could only offer what is at best a cool sense of calmness at the situation.

“He’s... off settling certain things.” The red-haired doctor finally breaks her silence, her hesitation silencing Ryouken’s many follow-up questions. “Please, Ryouken-kun, I cannot tell you more. Not right now.” She finally looks at him again, a dark look in her eyes surfacing as she meets Ryouken’s. He briefly considers the fact that Kyouko might come to hate him because of this, and makes a note to keep his guard up around her and Asou. 

Nodding, he lies down, mumbling about how he’s a little tired and would like more rest. Kyouko nods, posture and gaze softening. She walks over to adjust his blanket so that he fits snugly in its embrace, moving her hand to hesitate above his forehead, before bringing it down to pat on it softly. The warmth brings images of his mother to mind, and Ryouken tries hard to not let his wince show.

“Rest well, Ryouken-kun.” She smiles at him, expression not reaching her eyes, but she was trying - the darkness in her eyes had lit up just a tad bit. He nods at her, offering a tiny smile back in return.

“Good night, Kyouko-san.” Never mind the fact that it’s noon right now. Ryouken closes his eyes and evens out his breathing as much as possible, keeping an ear out for Kyouko’s movements. A flick of the light switch, and the room dims, with only the briefest rays of sunlight falling through the thick curtains. He waits for Kyouko to slowly collect herself, listens to her retreating footsteps, the door opening and closing, before opening his eyes again to glare at the ceiling.

All things considered, he’d been lucky that Asou and Kyouko had taken things into their own hands and cleaned up the scene. With how meticulous they were, and Ryouken corroborating with whatever fake story they had cooked up for the police, the chances of him being found out as the culprit who’d killed his father were slim. Not completely zero, Ryouken could tell from the eyes of both detectives that they do not trust Ryouken and his mask fully - which was as well, Ryouken didn’t know if he’d be able to respect them otherwise, being the parents of two of his future - past? - adversaries aside.

However, killing Kiyoshi had also effectively severed his only link to Yuusaku thus far. Ryouken thinks back - far back to his first childhood, where Yuusaku had been all smiles and light, and a part of him, the part that’s been tainted by all the killings recoils sharply. Perhaps he shouldn’t seek Yuusaku out after all.

A bigger part of him stings and longs for Yuusaku’s presence, and Ryouken discards the whole idea. The participants in the game are all the same in the universes that he’d seen, it would do Ryouken and Yuusaku well to be together. He could prepare Yuusaku for the upcoming challenges while protecting him. The problem was: how should he go about finding Yuusaku?

Ryouken sighs, feeling the exhaustion set in once again in his juvenile body. He needs to do something about this as soon as he can.

 

* * *

 

“I can leave soon? When?” Ryouken doesn’t need to fake his excitement this time – he was getting bored of having nothing to do in the hospital. Charming one of the nurses to bring him puzzles and rubik’s cube only solved that much of his boredom after all.

Detective Bessho smiles down at him and ruffles his hair, Ryouken offering her a tentative smile in return. Kyouko is standing beside him, looking slightly uncomfortable.

“Tomorrow, Ryouken-kun, the doctor told us that you’re all nicely rested and recovered,” He beams up at her at the news, before deflating.

“Ah, but I can’t go home, can I?” It's a conclusion he's reached since waking up. Bessho hesitates, and Kyouko steps forward to take over.

“You’ll be living at my place for the time being, Ryouken-kun. Dr Kougami did will everything in his possession to you, so you will receive your inheritance once the police finish their investigations. Here, she eyes Bessho, who nods reluctantly, and Ryouken has to marvel at the power of money that the Kougami family has. He wonders which iron-clad lawyer had stepped up this time. It doesn’t matter to him.

“…Are you adopting me?” Kyouko visibly hesitates, and Ryouken spots a flicker of hope and joy in her eyes at that, before she composes herself and smiles lightly.

“If you want to, Dr Asou and I would be happy to.” She ruffles his hair, and Ryouken makes a show of grimacing at that, “It’s up to you, and that can always be decided later.” He nods, considering the options laid out before him.

While living alone in the Kougami mansion sounded splendid, Ryouken’s still highly aware of his limitations as a child – and if he wanted to find Yuusaku and bring him under his wing as well, some degree of adult supervision would still be appreciated at this stage.

But first, Yuusaku. Ryouken bites his lips as he waves goodbye to Kyouko, who promises to pick him up the following day.

 

* * *

 

“I still think there’s something wrong about this whole picture.” Doujun comments, setting his cup full of steaming coffee down on his work desk, eyebrows knitted in a frown. Bessho looks up from her screen to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Why use a knife and a gun? It was the gun that killed both Kougami Kiyoshi and Kougami Yui, yes, but the stab wound on his hand is bothering me.”

“The assailant could’ve wrestled the doctor for the gun, that’s not anything odd.”

“That’s a possibility. But something’s still off.”

“The only other person there was Ryouken-kun, unless you suspect him?” Doujun shrugs at his partner’s question, and the other detective turns around to frown at him.

“Seriously? He’s a _child_.”

“We’ve had child killers in this country.” A sigh, and Bessho looks at him like she’s entertaining him solely because he’s her partner, and not because she believed in his theory.

“There’s no motive, everyone said the boy adored his parents. Even if he had a motive, we ran his clothes and there were no traces of gunpowder on him at all. Plus, if he had done it, how do you explain the missing weapons?”

“Maybe the assistants hid them, to protect the boy.” An amused expression appears on Bessho’s face.

“Really? We’re hearing hooves sounds and thinking zebras now?” She remarks drily, and Doujun sniffs.

“I still think something’s not right.” Bessho chuckles, shaking her head.

“You have to do something about that suspicious nature, if there’s anything that’s not right, it’s that we have yet to find and capture the assailants.”

 

* * *

 

The funeral occurs the day after he’s released from the hospital.

Ryouken carries both urns with a blank expression, emotions a chaotic mess within his being. On one hand, there’s elation that his father is finally gone, on another, there’s a sinking feeling within him, etching into him and reminding that he’s a failure for failing to protect his mother.

Just like he’d failed to protect Yuusaku.

Tears well up in his eyes, and he doesn’t try to wipe them away, but doesn’t let them fall either. It’s a sign of weakness, but he wanted to let his sadness be known to the world, and it’ll make his innocence more believable to the detectives who were standing at the back of the crowd.

It made him sick to know how many people attended Kiyoshi’s funeral out of respect. He forces the bile down in his throat as he lowers both urns into the soil, feeling nauseous just looking at Kiyoshi and his mother resting side by side. They shouldn't be together in death, given how Kiyoshi had killed her twice. She deserves better.

The priest – a giggle threatens to burst from his being at that, because, oh, isn’t this ironic now that he knows the truth to the universe – continues the ceremony, and Ryouken pays no attention to it, refusing to celebrate his father’s life and his mother’s _supportive_ role in it.

No one’s here to really mourn his mother, anyway. He stays silent and mourns her instead, vowing to set her free as soon as possible. It’s unfair for her to be tied together with Kiyoshi even in death.

Kyouko’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder, offering comfort, and Ryouken leans into it just a tad bit.  

The skies are bright and sunny – he knows no gods above will mourn the death of Kiyoshi, but had hoped they’d do so for his mother, for all that she has suffered.

 

* * *

 

Life with Kyouko is oddly reminiscent of life with mother. Ryouken recalls from his previous life that Kyouko and Asou had babysat him constantly when Kiyoshi had been off doing his research, and his current living arrangement is basically an extension of that.

His guardian is busy as usual, and this gives Ryouken plenty amount of time to sneak around on her PC. There’s no way he’ll find any information regarding the Lost Incident on it, but that’s a task for another time. He has a bit of time before the project goes full throttle, and perhaps even more so now that Kiyoshi’s dead.

He uses it to search for Yuusaku instead, eventually finding his birth certificate registered in the government database, as well as the names of his parents. Seeing the four kanji characters on the screen had made his heart speed up, grin splitting across his face. He reaches out with tiny, tiny fingers, tracing over the black pixels. Soon, he tries to calm his racing heart, _soon._

Making sure to take down the address of the Fujiki household, Ryouken takes care to erase his tracks from Kyouko’s computer and hops down from the chair, pushing it back in position, holding onto the purple coloured sticky note like a lifeline.

It’s three in the afternoon, and while Kyouko had become his guardian, both she and Asou remained extremely busy individuals. He knows her shift in the hospital doesn’t end until eight in the evening. A child wandering the streets on his own might attract a lot of attention, but Ryouken wanted to see Yuusaku, had to see him _now,_ now that he knew where to find him.

Throwing caution to the wind, he walks into the kitchen, using a stool to grab a tiny serrated fruit knife that he keeps snugly in his jacket pocket, before returning the piece of furniture into its original position. There’s no hesitation at all as he grabs his IC card, slips into his shoes and reaches for the doorknob, walking out of the door and hearing it click and beep behind him.

Den City isn’t extremely developed even in the future when compared to places like Heartland and Neo Domino, but Ryouken can see the differences in the city’s skyline clearly, comparing what he sees with the memory he has of the city. Yuusaku’s house is located in a relatively affluent middle-class area of the city, and getting there requires travelling across the central shopping area.

Ryouken enters the station without any trouble. There are always young children on their way home at this time, and while most of them have caretakers, the sight of a child travelling alone in the afternoon will not catch anyone’s attention – tapping his way into the gantry without an issue. The conductor in the service centre booth smiles at him, and Ryouken beams back, putting on the façade of the ever polite and charming child.

He has the train system of Den City memorised – it’s another thing that has not seen much development over the years, despite being well maintained – and the central line will get him to the station closest to Yuusaku’s house without any transits. With it being off-peak hour, getting onto the train was a breeze. Ryouken enters the carriage with a hop, turning to face the door –

“Quick, okaa-san!”

“Aoi-chan, wait!” Those words make him freeze as he watches a young girl – with hazel eyes and auburn-coloured hair styled in two side ponytails, one on each – and an adult, presumably her mother by the hair colour, rush into the carriage as the door closes, almost knocking into him. He sidesteps them both and continues to stare at them – Zaizen Aoi in particular – as they catch their breaths and collect themselves. The young girl seems to realise that she had almost ran into someone, looking up and him and letting out a tiny squeak, running to hide behind her mother’s legs, peaking out slightly.

Her mother looks down at him, smiling in a gentle and apologetic manner. “I’m so sorry, _bouya_ , did we startle you?” He nods, before shrugging as a sign that it was okay. She seems to catch on to the fact that he’s wary of strangers - which is understandable given his physical age – before smiling at him again, patting Zaizen on the head and moving towards the inside of the carriage with her daughter.

Ryouken reaches into his pocket, fingers grasping the handle of the fruit knife tightly. Memories of Zaizen Akira torturing Yuusaku after they killed Zaizen Aoi resurfacing in his mind. He could save Yuusaku the pain of going through that this time round, kill the girl right now with no one the wiser. Who knows when he’ll run into them again after this meeting? Perhaps long after they’ve received their diaries, and by then the girl would’ve become a threat.

But to do that, he’d have to kill the lady as well. He eyes the adult seated beside Zaizen, who is now perched on the seat on her knees to peer out of the window, patting her daughter on the head and whispering into her ear as different buildings pass them by. Ryouken feels mother’s hand running through his hair again and sees a gentle smile, her visage overlapping the brunette’s face.

_“Just promise me that you’ll be happy.”_

Ryouken will be happy only when Yuusaku’s safe – and Zaizen has to die for that to happen. He takes a few slow steps towards the middle of the carriage, before finally taking a seat opposite them, looking at them from the corner of his eye. Mother’s ghost continues to haunt him, and no matter how much Ryouken wills it away, her transient smile never disappears.

He can’t.

_Damn it._

Tears well up in his eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall, biting his lips. Here he is, being offered a perfect opportunity to preempt Yuusaku’s suffering and take out a very real future threat, and he’s being held back by _sentimentality_ and his mother’s dead visage. There’s a limit to how pathetic of a child he can be, and it seems like being thrown back had just rekindled whatever scruples he had previously left behind.

_Sorry, Yuusaku. I can’t do it._

He remains out of it, and when the broadcast announces the train’s arrival at Ryouken’s destination, the mother-and-daughter duo were already gone.

 

* * *

 

The _mansion_ Yuusaku’s family lived in was one of the more outstanding buildings in the area, and Ryouken knows he wouldn’t be able to get in without alerting anyone – him being a child and thus not a threat aside, it wouldn’t be good if he’d lied his way into the building just to be reported to the police as a lost kid. Eyeing the security cameras installed at the gates into the building, he creeps past them to squat and curl up in the bushes in the flora opposite the entrance. White hair is really bad for camouflage, Ryouken had never used this technique during the Survival Game given how his hair colour just made it moot, and he never had a need to play underhanded tactics against opponents he could crush with strength and strategy. Right now, he’s thankful for the fact that the bushes could hide him completely as a child without giving him away. 

There’s no certainty that Ryouken will be able to see Yuusaku today. However, he continues to wait. Destiny ties the both of them together, and Ryouken’s a fervent believer in the bloodied chains wounded tightly around them both, unbreakable and everlasting, tighter than any threads.

It takes about an hour, when his legs start to go numb, before a giggle reaches his ears, unfamiliar in pitch but nostalgic in tone. He perks up as much as possible without giving himself away, seeing a familiar shadow – tiny, tinier than anything in his memories – approaching, hand in hand with a bigger one.

“Dear, Yuusaku-chan, walk slower!”

“Otou-san, you’re slow. Okaa-san, tell him!” A giggle, and Ryouken thinks _he’s waited forever to hear this saccharine voice_ , and  _oh, Yuusaku gets his prettiness from his mother_.

If Ryouken’s mother had been the epitome of gentle strength and confidence, Yuusaku’s mother is the very image of a _Yamato Nadeshiko_ – she had obviously passed her small and lean frame onto her son, and her hair is dyed in shades of light periwinkle. From what he can observe from her side profile, Ryouken’s willing to bet her eyes are the same shade of green as her son’s. She’s beautiful in her white coloured dress, giving off a delicate and slightly melancholic aura, one that Yuusaku obviously inherits as well. Ryouken would like her even more if she stopped blocking his view of –

The moment she turns, his heart stops. Yuusaku had turned along with her, so he only managed to catch a glimpse of that side profile in the briefest of seconds, but with chubby cheeks and bright green eyes and hair the colour of late spring, there stood Ryouken’s destiny in all his innocent, childlike glory.

And he aches, his heart screams for Yuusaku to turn around and notice him, to call his name in that sweet voice of his. There’s moisture in his eyes again and he lets them fall silently this time – because Yuusaku’s here, and he’s not dead, and Ryouken can protect him from Lightning this time and keep him in his arms and they can _win together_ –

Every inch of his being, every cell is crying at him to go and hug Yuusaku and never let him go – but this is not the time, it won’t be for a very long while. He holds himself back on a tight leash, biting his lips and clenching his fists. When that doesn’t quell the flame, Ryouken ends up having to reach into his pocket to run his thumb along the edge of the knife to ground himself. He never closes his eyes despite the tears, never takes his eyes off the child, drinking in every line and every colour of his being like a desperate man stranded in a desert. Yuusaku’s father comes to stand beside his wife and child, hair a smooth shade of navy blue, posture straight and confident, sunflower badge gleaming on the lapel of his black suit.

Ryouken watches as they enter the building, waits for them to exit the elevator and strains himself to see which unit they enter while avoiding the cameras. Only when the Fujikis’ door shut does Ryouken take a deep breath, replaying Yuusaku’s childish giggle and dazzling innocence in his mind. He pulls his right hand out from his pocket and watches as tiny droplets of red blood form on the cut, rolling off his skin and onto the soil, forming drop patterns on where his tears had fallen. How frail, how _mortal_. The Yuusaku that had stood in front of him had been even more so. Anyone could just grab at that tiny neck and just –

Sucking on his thumb to stop the bleeding, Ryouken tastes razor-sharp metal, feels the wind blow against the drying moisture on his face, and plots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _bouya_ \- a way used by adults to address a young boy  
>  _mansion(manshon)_ \- a type of luxury apartment in Japan that's grades higher than a typical apartment ( _apaato_ )  
>  _Yamato Nadeshiko_ \- the Japanese personification of an idealised Japanese woman. One of the cherished quality is to be pious and faithful to her husband, which is also a flower meaning ( _hanakotoba_ ) associated with the wisteria in Japan (for females, anyway). I personally don't condone this stereotype or idealising women like that, but Ryouken sees what Ryouken sees *shrugs*. 
> 
> I've dropped some hints in this chapter, feel free to pick up on some of it. They'll all be revealed in due time, however, so don't worry if you can't catch them at this stage. 
> 
> Updates will not resume until late Feb-early March. My university blindsided me (and other people in my residence) regarding some issues, and I'm trying to resolve it on top of balancing school work and placement. I spent yesterday breaking down and today not paying attention to my lectures and that's... not good. 
> 
> Kudos/Comments greatly appreciated!


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